This weekend while leaving church - Lydia strapped in the backseat of the car happily giggling at herself in the mirror - I found myself thinking about Abraham. I thought about the faith required to be willing to truly give it all to the Lord. My mind immediately recounted the story of Abraham's trek up the mountain to sacrifice his beloved son... tears streamed down my face before I had even pulled out of the church parking lot.

How could he do such a thing? I glanced at my precious daughter still laughing behind me and the tears came down faster. I'm sure that Abraham and Sarah loved Isaac just as much as I love Lydia... and I can't even begin to dream of giving her up for anything!

I think too often I take for granted the fact that I know the end of that story. I read about Abraham's calling to sacrifice Isaac, and the 3 day walk up the mountain, and I forget how Abraham's heart must have been absolutely crushed to bits when his son innocently asks, "Where is the lamb?" Abraham did not have the luxury of knowing the ending. He didn't know that God would ultimately spare Isaac's life. Every gut-wrenching step up that mountain required immense faith.

As I drove home from church remembering this story, I had to admit that I don't know that my faith is that strong. In fact, I had to admit that I've really been holding back... clinging to my family, utterly afraid that if I let go and give everything over to God He will ask me to do the unthinkable. Sometimes I feel as though it will take something huge in my life to really bring me back to the close relationship I desire with God, and because I'm so afraid that the huge thing would be harmful or painful to my family, I resist asking for it. Why do I struggle so much to just let go and trust that God will provide?

One of the verses in my Bible study for today stood out to me. Matthew 6:33-34: Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need. So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today.

Seek the Kingdom of God above all else...

I'm still not where I want to be. I'm still scared to death to truly place my entire life - my home, myself, my family - upon the altar of the Lord, trusting His will. But I'm really praying for strength in this area. I love my family more than anything else in this world, but they are God's first. And He loves them too. Abraham knew that and was able to trust that God had a perfect plan for his family. I want to have a faith like that.
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2 Responses
  1. Kimmama Says:

    Wow... killer post. (no pun intended) I have thought about this as well and I must admit that for a long time I lived with a paralyzing fear of my husband dying. But ultimately the Lord assured me that not only would he take care of him, but he would take care of me as well if I lost my husband. That no matter what happens, it will still be okay and the present world is so temporary anyway. We'll all be together in heaven and we're all going to die eventually. And if something ever happened to Micah, I'd be devastated but I know that God is protecting him and loves him as well. That is really hard to maintain that truth in my heart.

  2. It took me almost a week to comment on this, because I couldn't figure out what to say. I've read it half a dozen times since then, and it's changed me every time (and I've cried almost every time). Because I can't capture anything I'm thinking (and perhaps it's not for anyone but God and me at this point anyway), I'll just say thank you for such an honest, moving post. I continue to struggle with these things every day, but at the very least my own faith has moved higher on my prayer list.

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