There's a lot of housework that needs to get done still, but I've decided to blog instead. Hey, I've put a yummy stew in the crock pot for dinner, washed dishes, done laundry, and kept a cute little kid fed, changed, and well rested all day... I deserve a break, right? :-)

I love being a mom. For as long as I can remember I have wanted to be a mother and have the chance to stay home and raise my kids. Finally being able to do so is fantastic! Now, I'll be honest, the first few weeks were HARD. I cried a lot in Lydia's first few weeks of life. I cried because I didn't know what she needed... I cried because I felt like a failure when nothing was getting done around the house... I cried because I felt like I was neglecting my husband and therefore must be a terrible wife... and I cried because I was not getting nearly enough sleep. There were times when I looked at Lydia and wondered why I didn't feel happy that she was here. Why don't I feel totally in love like I'm "supposed" to feel as a new mom? It was really really rough on me.

I think things started to turn around some for me when Lydia started smiling. Finally getting some feedback that said to me, "Hey Mom, I like you and you're doing a great job!" was much needed assurance. It also helped me when I loosened up on trying so hard to get her on a schedule. Don't get me wrong, I'm still a huge fan of schedules... but I needed to step back a little and learn to work with my child to do things that fit her as an individual, not try to mold her into what the books tell me she should be. That was a huge step for me. I live by guidelines and instructions... I think that's why I always liked Math more than English. With math there was always a right way to do things... always a right answer... everything was very cut and dry. So parenting has been an adjustment for me. Suddenly no one can tell me what the right way to do things is (though there are those that try!). I can't always know if what I'm doing is the best... I just have to go with my gut and hope it all works out. I'm so glad I've got Christ by my side to give me strength to get through each day. Knowing that He is ultimately the one in control is a huge weight off my shoulders!

So now here I am... the stay-at-home mother of a beautiful 2 month old daughter... and I truly, honestly can say that I absolutely love it. (I think the fact that she finally sleeps through the night most of the time helps with that haha!) It is so much fun to look back and see how much I have learned in just 2 short months. I certainly know a lot more about Lydia than I did when we first brought her home. I know when she is sleepy or just tired of being held. I know how to make her smile and laugh, and also some things that make her really mad! And while a part of me feels a little sad seeing her grow up so quickly right before my eyes, I take great pride in knowing that I can provide for her needs and have contributed to her outstanding growth and development. She is by far the best job I've ever had!

I know that as a mother the learning will never end. Just as soon as I think I've got her figured out, Lydia will change and I'll have to adjust. But that just means I get to live in constant awe as I continuously discover who this beautiful child of God is becoming. I can't thank God enough for entrusting her to my care and for all that He is teaching me as I get to watch her grow.
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