April 7, 2012... from Brent's Facebook page:

She's 3. I don't know her concept is solid, but tonight Lydia asked me to pray with her to ask Jesus to be her "forever friend" #HeartMelter

We've obviously been talking about Easter and tonight we were saying bedtime prayers and we thanked God for sending Jesus to save us and when done I asked her if she knew what it meant to be saved by Jesus. She said yeah and that one day when our family is all gone she will be with Jesus forever. I told her that one day when she is older if she decides to, she can ask Jesus to be her forever friend (a term our kids ministry uses at church) and she said, "But we can do that right now!" I asked her if she wanted to pray to God and repeat after me... Something we've tried numerous times with bedtime prayers and she's always said no to, making one of us pray instead... And she said a very enthusiastic yes, and prayed to ask God into her heart and to be her forever friend. Again, I have no idea how much of it was play and how much was serious understanding, but wow... Took me by surprise! I love my church and the kids ministry clearly is doing something right!

I've been meaning to take the time to write out the story of my Christian walk on my blog and just haven't gotten around to it. But here I am with a little bit of time on my hands (seems so hard to come by these days!) and I decided that now is just as good a time as any.

My journey has been a simple one. Or at least a straight-forward one. I don't have one of those major conversion stories about how I was a druggie and prostitute who ended up in jail at the end of my rope when God opened my eyes and changed my life forever. Nope. That's not me. And for a long time I felt like my story wasn't worth telling because it wasn't very dramatic. There aren't any crazy intense moments that reach a climax before I at last "see the light" and turn to the happily-ever-after that I've always wanted.

I was so incredibly blessed to grow up in a strong Christian household with parents who were (and are) REAL. They loved me and my brothers. They taught us to value ourselves, respect others, and learn about all that God created us to be. I am eternally thankful that God gave me such wonderful role models, and as a result of their love and prayers I remember sitting on my bed with my Daddy and accepting Jesus into my heart when I was just 5 or 6 years old. And somehow, no doubt only by God's grace, that decision stuck. Even as young as I was, it changed my life. I never looked back and I never questioned if I really "meant it" when I prayed that prayer. I knew that I did.

Unlike many who come to faith as children, I did not hit a rebellious stage as a teen or young adult. Like I said, the decision I made was real and it stuck. I remained active in youth group throughout my high school years and knew that God had a plan for my future that didn't involve all of the teenage drama. However there was one big defining moment for me as a teen. Crazy kid that I was, I remember standing in our kitchen one day and just crying out to God, "Test me! Try me! If faith is strengthened through trial, then bring it on!" Bad move. Ha! Seriously, if you ever ask God for a trial, He will deliver!

Over the course of the next year or so I faced a most unexpected challenge. Something I hadn't anticipated and certainly had never experienced. My expectations were that God would put me through the kind of trials that others would see... a death in the family, some sort of injury or life crisis, you know, the typical hardships that people endure. But God had something different in mind for me. Something I would have to get through more or less on my own. For the first time ever, I suddenly felt alone. God got quiet.

I can't explain why things suddenly felt this way, but confusion and doubt quickly flooded in. Where are you, God? What am I supposed to be doing? As I worked through this time in my life, I came to understand that God had taken my request for a trial and gave me the opportunity to stand on my own. Like a parent who lets go to allow a child to take her first steps. It's not that the parent has left or that they no longer love or care about the child, but they recognize the need for growth. God was helping me grow up.

I struggled for about a year, analyzing my beliefs, considering what God wanted for my life, and ensuring that this truly was the path I wanted to follow. I learned a lot in that time. For starters, I quickly learned that faith is not about feelings. When I no longer felt like God was near me, did that mean that He wasn't there? No. He was always there. I also grew confident that my faith was not just a result of mimicking my family... just following it because it's what I had been taught... but rather an honest decision that I made for myself. And I also learned more about loving others. I learned about stepping out of my comfort zone. Reaching others for Christ rather than sitting in my "holy huddle" of fellow believers. I learned that it's not just about knowing the Bible, but rather about caring for people.

After that period in my life, I felt rejuvenated and recommitted to what I had chosen on that day sitting in my room with my Dad. I definitely still struggle at times with finding the passion in my faith that I've seen in the past. My life feels crazy right now with raising babies and growing a family. Sometimes I feel like I'm failing at my mission. But being a mom is part of the mission that I have always wanted to have. I love my parents so much and am so grateful for the Christian example that they were. They helped me find the right path in life and keep with it. I hope and pray that I can do the same for my children. Even if the only lives I feel like I ever change are theirs, it will be worth it to me. I can only hope to one day be a part of their stories of falling in love with their Creator. That would make the perfect end to my story.

"There has never been the slightest doubt in my mind that the God who started this great work in you would keep at it and bring it to a flourishing finish on the very day Christ Jesus appears." -Philippians 1:6 (The Message)

As I stood in church this weekend singing the song "God of This City" I couldn't help but expand the concept behind those lyrics to other areas. The song could just as well be about greater things to come in a country, in the world, in a local church, or even in an individual. Emotions welled up as I sang...

There is no one like our God
There is no one like our God...
Greater things are yet to come,
Greater things are still to be done here...

Sometimes I get so stuck in the moment. I get stuck thinking that the day in and day out of life is all there is going to be. I'll never be anything special. I'll never achieve anything great. I'll never be who I want to be. But those are lies. The Bible tells us that we can be confident as Christians that God is going to continue to work on us... and we aren't going to be finished until the very end! There will ALWAYS be greater things yet to come because he who started the good work in us promised to carry it on to completion! It is an overwhelming and humbling realization. To know that God is working on me. Right now. In this very moment. He has not given up on me or decided that this is as good as I'm going to get. My life, my circumstances, my family, my church, my city, my country, my world... all of them are works in progress, being perfected by the Master Artist himself.

So stay tuned, blog world. Greater things are still to be done here.

For too long I've felt like my spiritual life has been stalled. It's not that I want it to be that way, or even that I'm just too lazy to do anything about it. Well, maybe there's some of that in there, but I'd like to think it isn't a primary factor. Basically I just don't know where to go from here. Books, Bible studies, even reading the Bible itself (in multiple translations)... it just feels like I've heard it all before. You'd be hard pressed to find something in the Bible that would make me go, "Wow really? That's in there?" Not trying to toot my own horn here or anything, it's just how I feel. I grew up in church. I've been a pretty straight-forward Christian for over 20 years. I've been to more conferences and Bible studies than I can count and I'm having a hard time getting fresh perspective. I've often felt like if I knew what to do, I'd be happy to pursue doing it, but I just don't know what it is that I can do to get that connection to God again.

I've heard it said before that when you get to such a point in your spiritual journey that it's time to turn around and start teaching. Teaching is not my favorite thing. I tend to clam up when it comes to talking in person (one of the reasons I love blogging... I can communicate my thoughts and get them organized before anyone gets to see them!). But I truly do love to encourage people and I love love love talking to people who are truly interested in learning about what God has to say in the Bible. THAT fires me up. Being around people who are on fire. So Brent and I have tossed around the idea of leading a Bible study for new believers through our church before, but it didn't take root. We were already leading a married couples group and didn't want to drop that. But lately our couples group has been changing, and with us now having 1.5 babies, we knew that we couldn't keep up with our current group of young married folks.

Yesterday at the church staff meeting it was brought up that there's a huge need for new believer groups right now. We have around 200 people who are waiting to get plugged into one of these groups and leaders are desperately needed. This was the confirmation we needed. It's time for us to move.

The new group won't be starting for us until June so I'm glad we have a bit more time to officially step out of our current leadership role and prepare for this new one. I'm excited and scared at the same time... have I mentioned before that changes make me incredibly apprehensive? But I fully believe this is a good move for us and I hope to have the opportunity to see lives changed, including our own! Will keep you posted as we embark on this new adventure.

It has occurred to me lately that passion is something you simply cannot manufacture. You can't pretend to be passionate about something. Sure you can pretend to like things, maybe even to love them, but you can tell when someone is TRULY passionate.

This thought has put me in kind of an uncomfortable spot. Namely because I am not feeling very passionate about a number of things that I WANT to have a passion for. Try as I might to muster up some intense emotions, it just doesn't stick. I'm not quite sure what to do.

I've heard a lot of people say how having children brought them so much closer to God. They suddenly realized what unconditional love really was. Instantly they became aware of how much God loves us. I really wish I could say I have had a similar experience, but if I'm going to be really honest here, I don't feel any closer to God now than I did a year ago... before Lydia was born. Perhaps despite this experience of knowing the intense love a parent has for a child something still keeps me from accepting that God can feel the same way about me. I know it to be true, but it's like it still isn't real to me (if that makes any sense). I keep thinking back to the phrase from the Truth Project: Do you really believe that what you believe is really real?

I know this stuff. I know the facts. I've been raised in a Christian household. I know the stories, I've read the books, I've heard countless sermons. I've even dug deeper into the history of the Bible, all of the history and facts that give us reason to believe that this book is all that it claims to be. So why do I still feel so empty? I want to be passionate about Christ and all that He is. He has changed my life, no doubt about that, but too often I feel like that gets forgotten.

How can you get passion back when there is no way to manufacture passion?

This past Wednesday night our home group watched one of the messages from Andy Stanley's Go Fish series. What a powerful message it was! He spoke about the partnership between us (the fishers) and the church... how we are not meant to be in this alone. As we go out on our mission to be "fishers of men" we are to be inviting people to come and see what Jesus is doing. And the church is the place where we should find that!

There were so many great points in this message and I will in no way do them justice trying to explain them myself, so I'll try to just stick with one. Andy pointed out how Jesus and his disciples had a "come and see" approach when it came to Jesus. Those who were curious about who he was were told, "follow me" (by Jesus) or "come and see" (by others). John 1:45-46:

Philip found Nathanael and told him, "We have found the one Moses wrote about in the Law, and about whom the prophets also wrote—Jesus of Nazareth, the son of Joseph."
"Nazareth! Can anything good come from there?" Nathanael asked. "Come and see," said Philip.

Philip didn't stress out about Nathanael's response. He didn't go, "Oh dang, Nate doesn't believe me, I guess I should stop talking." Nor did he sit and try to have a discussion with Nathanael in response to the question about Nazareth. He just told him to come and check it out. "Trust me, Nate. Just come see this guy and you'll know what I'm talking about."

That is exactly how it is supposed to be in our world today. Where is Jesus working? Matthew 18:20: For where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them. As Andy Stanley puts it, when we gather on "official Jesus business," Jesus shows up. This is the role of the church. The church is meant to be a place of official Jesus business. People should be able to see the church and simultaneously see Jesus at work.

All that is left to do is to simply invite people to come and see. Just come see it for yourself.

The partnership between the church as a whole and the individual members of the church is a beautiful thing when it is working in this way. Jesus shows up and lives are changed.

So what about your church? Is it a place where you can confidently approach your friends and invite them to come and see? Is Jesus present there in such a way that invites the lost to keep going back... to keep learning more... to follow Jesus? What are you doing to provide an atmosphere of "official Jesus business" where Jesus promises he will indeed show up?

We are not meant to be solo fishermen. This is a corporate affair. If we want to be good fishers, we absolutely must find where Jesus is so that we can confidently invite people to come and see.

I know you folks are out there even when you don't comment... so today I'm asking for some feedback! If you read this, I would love to hear your response.

Just a question that I have been pondering. How many of you out there have prayer lists? And what do those look like? In a recent series about prayer our senior pastor talked about his prayer list and encouraged us to do the same in our prayer life. He has specific things/people he prays for each day of the week.

Now while I would love to do this because I'm definitely a "list person" and structure helps me stay focused and disciplined, I've never liked it much for prayer. It just doesn't feel meaningful to me and I don't know how to keep things "fresh" ya know? For example, let's say one of my Monday list items is our country. I would quickly feel very repetitive each week praying the same "God bless America" prayer. But I guess when the alternative is constantly forgetting to EVER pray for our country, maybe the structure of a list is better?

So what do you do? What does your prayer life look like? Do you use a structure such as a list? Why or why not?

This weekend while leaving church - Lydia strapped in the backseat of the car happily giggling at herself in the mirror - I found myself thinking about Abraham. I thought about the faith required to be willing to truly give it all to the Lord. My mind immediately recounted the story of Abraham's trek up the mountain to sacrifice his beloved son... tears streamed down my face before I had even pulled out of the church parking lot.

How could he do such a thing? I glanced at my precious daughter still laughing behind me and the tears came down faster. I'm sure that Abraham and Sarah loved Isaac just as much as I love Lydia... and I can't even begin to dream of giving her up for anything!

I think too often I take for granted the fact that I know the end of that story. I read about Abraham's calling to sacrifice Isaac, and the 3 day walk up the mountain, and I forget how Abraham's heart must have been absolutely crushed to bits when his son innocently asks, "Where is the lamb?" Abraham did not have the luxury of knowing the ending. He didn't know that God would ultimately spare Isaac's life. Every gut-wrenching step up that mountain required immense faith.

As I drove home from church remembering this story, I had to admit that I don't know that my faith is that strong. In fact, I had to admit that I've really been holding back... clinging to my family, utterly afraid that if I let go and give everything over to God He will ask me to do the unthinkable. Sometimes I feel as though it will take something huge in my life to really bring me back to the close relationship I desire with God, and because I'm so afraid that the huge thing would be harmful or painful to my family, I resist asking for it. Why do I struggle so much to just let go and trust that God will provide?

One of the verses in my Bible study for today stood out to me. Matthew 6:33-34: Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need. So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today.

Seek the Kingdom of God above all else...

I'm still not where I want to be. I'm still scared to death to truly place my entire life - my home, myself, my family - upon the altar of the Lord, trusting His will. But I'm really praying for strength in this area. I love my family more than anything else in this world, but they are God's first. And He loves them too. Abraham knew that and was able to trust that God had a perfect plan for his family. I want to have a faith like that.

Part of the beauty (and frustration) of the internet is the ability to leave out the details. The author of a blog has the ability to choose exactly what is revealed to his/her readers and therefore the readers likely never get a real picture of who the author is and what his/her life is really like. They just see the snippets that are shared. There's nothing really wrong with that. Like I said, it's part of the beauty of the internet. We are able to share our lives with others without sharing our ENTIRE lives with others. But if we aren't careful, it can become easy to think that these snippets are all there is. Kinda like when we watch TV shows or movies and sometimes slip into thinking that that's what life is really supposed to be like.

I know I've done it before. Lots of times. Whether it's been through blogs or just with friends whom I don't see very often, I know I've had lots of times where I let myself slip into believing that these other people have the "perfect" marriage, family, life, etc. I swear they never fight or have bad days and their houses probably look spectacular and smell like roses all the time. Ha!

Anyway, my point is that these things probably aren't true. I'm seeing a very narrow piece of the whole of their lives. And the same is true of this blog. As the author of this blog, I do want to do my best to be real here. I've always been a heart-on-my-sleeve type of person. But, I also strive not to complain. I don't want my blog to be an outlet for ranting about life's frustrations... mainly because ultimately I know my life is pretty darn awesome and God has blessed me greatly. But to those of you out there who read this (however many or few of you there are), know that my life still has ups and downs. I post mostly about the good things... about fun vacations and how much I love my family. But my life is definitely not roses all the time. I fight, struggle, doubt, cry, and hurt at times too.

I've been struggling lately with a number of things, mostly related to a lack of discipline. It's been over 7 months now since my life felt routine and a lot of stuff is starting to suffer as a result. So last week I decided I was going to commit to some improvements.

Around the house: I'm at home practically all day every day. I decided that I need to start seeing my home as my job and get serious about keeping it presentable. I likely will never become a super neat-freak, but I do want to try to make more effort. It's a really satisfying feeling to have a clean house. So, I've divided up the chores and tasked myself with something each day of the week. For example, today is kitchen day and tomorrow I clean the carpets.

Spiritually: I hate to admit that this has been lacking but yeah... it has been. Majorly. But knowing the importance of spending time with God, and after our church's series on prayer, I knew I had to get more disciplined in this area. I've been spending Lydia's first nap of the day reading the Living It Out Bible study and journaling prayers. Have I immediately returned to feeling on fire for Christ? Nope. I wish it was that easy. I truly miss that fire. But this relationship, like any relationship, takes time and effort. I'm working on the first step right now... taking the time to invite God to work in my life again.

My marriage: Nope, I don't have a perfect marriage either. Told you my life isn't roses! Even with 5 years of experience under our belts, Brent and I still miss the mark a lot. After spending time praying about marriage, I had to laugh a little when my friend Kim blogged about how to like your husband again. God always has fun ways of communicating. In addition to working on following Kim's advice, I started reading through the book "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman. I've read most of it before, but I wanted to examine it again. It's given me some new insights into what I need and what Brent needs from me. We had a great talk last weekend and I already feel like we're doing better. (Note: I don't mean to imply that we've been having serious marital problems, just that no marriage is perfect and ours is no exception to that.)

There are tons of other areas of my life that need improvement as well, but the above three are the ones I've been focusing on lately. One step at a time, right? I want to make the most of this life that I've been given. I am far from perfect and I make a LOT of mistakes. I'm just grateful for a loving family and a gracious God who are willing to be patient with me.

About the Baby:

...not just the other way around.

I can't help but grin a little when I think about how much Lydia is affecting me. I have always been very much a planner. I like to schedule & organize things and am not very often a "go with the flow" person. Spur of the moment things are nice once in awhile, but in general I like to know what is going on and when everything will happen.

Lydia is not this way.

She has been the biggest lesson in patience I have ever had. Despite my best efforts to have consistency in the home, Lydia is a completely inconsistent child. Every day can be identical as much as I can make it, yet Lydia will continue to vary when & how long she naps throwing everything else "off schedule." Right now she's about 2 hours into what I assume will be a 3 hour nap, yet for the past 3 days she's not taken any naps longer than 30(ish) minutes and the day before that she took her long nap in the afternoon instead of morning. I simply never know what she will do from one day to the next.

I used to hate this but I'm learning to accept and even love it. She is teaching me to loosen up a little and be more willing to take things as they come. I enjoy the long naps and try to get as much accomplished as possible, but I'm learning to be less irritated when a long nap is nowhere to be found. I do what I can in the 30 minutes then welcome the opportunity to enjoy my bright-eyed baby girl.

She has shaped me so much in the last 4.5 months... how much more to come in the years ahead?!

I am completely overwhelmed with blessings in my life. Of course the biggest of these being my wonderful husband and daughter... and beyond that having fantastic family, awesome friends, and a cozy place to call home. But today I am grateful for the little "extras" that God so graciously sends our way.

- I've gotten 7+ hours of sleep for two nights in a row now. Granted, I've been letting Lydia sleep in her swing in order to get that, but it's helped me see that she can make it through the night. We'll work on transitioning back to the crib, but for now I'm thankful to feel rested for a change!

- Yesterday I completed my exit interview at Marathon. I'm officially done with the "career woman" thing for now and can focus on this new chapter of my life!

- We knew I'd be working part time for our church at some point, but weren't sure when the finances would be there to go forward with it. Well yesterday evening I got the word that Lee approved putting me on the payroll and I'll be starting next week! It's a 10 hour a week gig as "website content manager" and I can do it all from home while I take care of Lydia. This is exactly what we prayed for to allow me to stay at home without us having to live on beans and rice. :)

- Lydia is currently asleep in her Pack N Play and has been for almost an hour and half!! This is HUGE. Besides nighttime sleep, she has never slept for more than an hour someplace other than her swing or carseat (while travelling).

- The weather is absolutely devine. A tad hot today, but I'm not going to complain! Once Lydia wakes up and eats, I'm looking forward to playing out in the yard.

- I saw an allergist on Monday and was told I'm allergic to dust mites. The good things about this are 1) at least now I have a good idea why my sinuses have been a mess and 2) this is one allergy that doesn't necessarily require meds to make me feel better (I'm very cautious of medications since I'm breastfeeding)... of course, this sadly means that I need to get more serious about vacuuming and dusting. Boo. ;)

- Lydia is getting more and more control over her hands. On Tuesday we watched her grab the pacifier in her mouth, pull it out, look at it, then put it back in her mouth... all very intentionally! She has also figured out how to suck her thumb (as opposed to her entire fist). I'm not certain that I want her in the habit of sucking her thumb, but it at least gives her a built in way to calm herself down. Guess we'll see how it goes!

- My baby is 3 months old tomorrow! She is such a treasure and I'm enjoying every bit of watching her grow.

May is a VERY busy month for us... particularly the middle of May.


10th - Mother's Day
12th - My brother's birthday
14th - Our anniversary
16th - Baby dedication
17th - My brother's wife's birthday
18th - My parent's anniversary


Yikes! That's a ton of stuff in 8 days! Needless to say I've been keeping plenty busy this past week.


My first Mother's Day was nice. Brent had to work and I didn't get to see my mom that weekend though, so that was a little disappointing. But we went to Brent's mom's house for a cookout in the afternoon and ate yummy burgers & tossed frisbees around. Lydia didn't give me any extra sleep for Mother's Day, but she was a happy baby girl and that's pretty much all I need.


The 14th was our 5 year anniversary. Yipee! :) We had Brent's sister come over to watch Lydia so we could go out to dinner and mini-golf. I always love mini-golfing with Brent because it's one of the few things I can beat him at. He beat me last time but I was around 8 months pregnant... hard to swing a golf club like that! ;) Thanks to his hole in one it was a close game, but I beat him in the end. Hehe. It was nice to get out as a couple again, but unfortunately Lydia has now decided she won't take a bottle and we came home to a screaming, hungry child. I may keep having Brent try to give her a bottle but I'm not so sure it will work anymore... and I hate wasting milk! My mom said I never took a bottle... so perhaps this is my payback. :P


May 16th was Lydia's special day... dedication day! My parents drove up for the day and we had tons of friends and family at church to join us in prayer for Lydia and our family. Sometimes I still can hardly believe that this little treasure is ours to raise. She is an absolute joy in my life and fills each day with plenty of smiles and laughter (and laundry haha).





In other news - I went to an allergist yesterday to get tested since my sinuses are driving me crazy. Turns out I'm allergic to dust mites. Unfortunately this means I need to spend more time vacuuming. Perhaps I'll just live with the runny nose... ;)


Tomorrow I will make my "final" drive to Findlay to officially quit my job. I was on paid leave until April 21st and have been on unpaid family leave since then. It was always my intention to quit, but we wanted to wait until we received all of my paychecks and took care of the money in my company health spending account. Now that that's all taken care of, I'm calling it quits! I think Brent is still a little bummed about the major loss of income (nearly 60% of our income came from my job), but this is something we've been planning for since way back when we were engaged. The plan has always been for me to stay at home once we had kids. That's why we've always made it a point to cover all of our expenses with Brent's income and only use mine for getting out of debt & paying down the mortgage. So... we're kissing goodbye to our huge payments towards our house, but other than that our budget is largely unaffected.


Updates on Lydia: She continues to get up at least once during the night... typically 3am give-or-take 30 minutes. I've started to resign to the fact that this just may be what I have to deal with until we introduce cereal. I just keep reminding myself that she will only be this age once and I need to savor it... sleep deprivation and all! Lydia's interest in toys is starting to pick up these days. She still doesn't grab for them, but she is more willing to bat at the ones we dangle over her. She still hasn't done any rolling over either, but that's okay. Tummy time is still disliked. Lydia gets upset over being on her tummy before she tries too much to flip herself over. She has, however, gotten a lot better at rolling around on her back. She likes to tuck her knees in and tip over on to her side. Before she would mostly topple back when doing this, but yesterday she was doing really well staying on her side. I'm not looking forward to her figuring out how to roll onto her belly until she figures out how to roll back to her back... she hates the belly so much that I'd probably spend all day flipping her back over to prevent screaming!

There's a lot of housework that needs to get done still, but I've decided to blog instead. Hey, I've put a yummy stew in the crock pot for dinner, washed dishes, done laundry, and kept a cute little kid fed, changed, and well rested all day... I deserve a break, right? :-)

I love being a mom. For as long as I can remember I have wanted to be a mother and have the chance to stay home and raise my kids. Finally being able to do so is fantastic! Now, I'll be honest, the first few weeks were HARD. I cried a lot in Lydia's first few weeks of life. I cried because I didn't know what she needed... I cried because I felt like a failure when nothing was getting done around the house... I cried because I felt like I was neglecting my husband and therefore must be a terrible wife... and I cried because I was not getting nearly enough sleep. There were times when I looked at Lydia and wondered why I didn't feel happy that she was here. Why don't I feel totally in love like I'm "supposed" to feel as a new mom? It was really really rough on me.

I think things started to turn around some for me when Lydia started smiling. Finally getting some feedback that said to me, "Hey Mom, I like you and you're doing a great job!" was much needed assurance. It also helped me when I loosened up on trying so hard to get her on a schedule. Don't get me wrong, I'm still a huge fan of schedules... but I needed to step back a little and learn to work with my child to do things that fit her as an individual, not try to mold her into what the books tell me she should be. That was a huge step for me. I live by guidelines and instructions... I think that's why I always liked Math more than English. With math there was always a right way to do things... always a right answer... everything was very cut and dry. So parenting has been an adjustment for me. Suddenly no one can tell me what the right way to do things is (though there are those that try!). I can't always know if what I'm doing is the best... I just have to go with my gut and hope it all works out. I'm so glad I've got Christ by my side to give me strength to get through each day. Knowing that He is ultimately the one in control is a huge weight off my shoulders!

So now here I am... the stay-at-home mother of a beautiful 2 month old daughter... and I truly, honestly can say that I absolutely love it. (I think the fact that she finally sleeps through the night most of the time helps with that haha!) It is so much fun to look back and see how much I have learned in just 2 short months. I certainly know a lot more about Lydia than I did when we first brought her home. I know when she is sleepy or just tired of being held. I know how to make her smile and laugh, and also some things that make her really mad! And while a part of me feels a little sad seeing her grow up so quickly right before my eyes, I take great pride in knowing that I can provide for her needs and have contributed to her outstanding growth and development. She is by far the best job I've ever had!

I know that as a mother the learning will never end. Just as soon as I think I've got her figured out, Lydia will change and I'll have to adjust. But that just means I get to live in constant awe as I continuously discover who this beautiful child of God is becoming. I can't thank God enough for entrusting her to my care and for all that He is teaching me as I get to watch her grow.

We had a lovely Easter yesterday. Lydia did great in the nursery at church (slept the whole time!) and I really enjoyed watching the CedarCreek.tv message. It was amazing to me to realize how much more meaningful Christ's sacrifice is to me now that I am a parent. As I watched a video depicting the crucifiction, I cried... praying that someday my little girl will know and understand the great love her Savior has for her. Then as I watched another video of a father having to choose to save a train full of people by sacrificing his son, I had to bite my lip to keep from bawling. I just don't know that I could bear to make such a sacrifice. I LOVE my daughter... how could I ever choose to let her go for ANYONE?

It just made it so much more real to me what an incredible sacrifice God made by sending his Son into this harsh and ungrateful world. To put his Son through such torture knowing that most people would be oblivious to what a great gift had just been offered to them.

Amazing how having a child can change your perspective.

After church we dressed Lydia up in her fancy Easter dress to take pictures. I know I'm biased, but I think she's the cutest baby I've ever seen!





I would have put her in her dress for church, but since she was going to the nursery the whole time and we wouldn't have time for pictures until after church, I didn't want to risk her getting all messy before the photo shoot. So instead she dressed up for pictures first, then wore the dress to her Great Grandma's house for dinner.

This week I'm going to try to keep close track of Lydia's schedule... particularly her napping habits. She used to be a good napper, but lately she has decided that being awake is more interesting so she only catnaps during the day. I wouldn't mind too much if she was happy and content when awake, but the past few days she's ended up overtired and super fussy by the end of the day. I try and try to get her to take good naps, but usually they are no longer than 30 minutes. Thankfully she is at least doing okay at night. Last Wednesday night she actually slept through the night! I got 7.5 hours of continuous sleep! But the nights since then she still wakes up once or twice. She's still only 7 weeks old, so I'm not expecting much different... it can just be so hard on me when she's up several times a night and then won't nap long enough during the day for me to get a nap (or get anything done for that matter). So anyway, I'm hoping if I track her behavior better I can notice some patterns and we can go from there.

Every day as a mother is bringing me new lessons to be learned!